7 Signs You Haven't Properly Grieved After the Loss of a Loved One

Grief is a journey, not a destination. 

That's something I've learned through a personal experience that started when I was 13, with the loss of my dad.

I am now 40, and the weight of his absence hasn't lessened—it's perhaps heavier now than ever before.

Over the years, I've lost many family members, each loss adding a layer to my complex emotions.

There's no "getting over" these losses; the best you can do is move forward. Yet moving forward doesn't mean you have to move on from grieving. 

One of the most challenging lessons I've learned is that it's possible to grieve improperly, to move too swiftly through the stages, brushing aside the complexity of emotions because they're too heavy to bear.

However, improperly handled grief can have long-term consequences.

Today, as a "veteran of grieving," I want to share seven signs that you might not be grieving in the healthiest way possible.

1. The "I'm Good" Syndrome

If someone asks how you're doing, and you find yourself automatically responding with, "I'm good," take a moment to reassess. Are you really good, or are you glossing over your feelings?

2. Tears or Anger at the Mention of Their Name

If years have passed and you still can't talk about your loved one without breaking down or getting angry, it's a sign you haven't processed your grief fully.

3. A Shrine of Mementos

A keepsake is one thing—a shrine is another. If you have built a physical space filled with mementos, ask yourself why. Are these objects a comfort or a crutch?

4. Anger at Others Moving On

Life goes on for everyone, but if you find yourself angry that others seem to be moving forward, it may be a sign you're stuck in your grief.

5. Spiraling Into Addictions

Using substances to cope with grief isn't uncommon, but it's a clear sign that you're not dealing with your emotions healthily.

6. Mythologizing Your Loved One

Creating a narrative where your loved one becomes a saint is a way to avoid dealing with the complex, often messy reality of who they were—and, by extension, how you truly feel about their loss.

7. Emotional Tsunamis

If you've bottled up your grief, beware.

It can come pouring out unexpectedly, creating emotional upheaval for you and those around you.

Final Word

Recognizing these signs in yourself doesn't mean you've failed.

It means you have a new opportunity to face your grief head-on, to process it in a way that will ultimately bring you peace and even growth.

Because as paradoxical as it may seem, there's a gift, a joy, and even growth to be found in grieving properly.

It's never too late to start.